Books Specifically on Adoption Issues to Skip or Read Later:

Adoptee Teens Only: A Survival Guide to Adolescence — written by Danea Gorbett (adopted by a step-parent), in 2004 — (SKIP)

• The author has experience growing up in a step-family, and her reference to “adoption” and “adoptee” seems to indicate being adopted by one parent while also still living with 1 birth parent

• Views and wording frequently narrow and limit the actual wide variety of experiences, feelings, and preferred terms of adoptees (those raised without either birth parent)

• Some content is good and accurate; however, the ratio of this to what is unhelpful is not enough to recommend this book, especially to youth… See Full Review
  

Adoption Education for Everyone: For Adoptive Parents, Extended Family, Teachers, Social Workers, and More — written and self-published by Brooke Fremouw (adoptive parent), in 2023, 92 pg — (READ LATER)

• While the title seems to indicate “education” on adoption, the book is mostly opinions or things gleaned by the author, as an adoptive parent. There is almost no research or other educational materials cited or listed in the back. Material is lightly covered and skimmed through, and each chapter/topic is a couple of pages long.

• The author says that she wants to advocate for adoption as a movement, but regardless of her intent, this does not seem to extend much to the adoptee perspective or voice. For example, in chapter 7, the author advocates for the idea that adoptees should not be called “lucky”. However, her argument is based on her own feelings of its use, not an adoptee’s, and the oversharing of her adopted son’s trauma (which she says he permitted her to share) is unnecessary to make her point.

• The book reflects themes of ownership and Savorism in both overt and subtle ways, and several chapters seem mostly about self-advocacy or defending her personal choices/beliefs related to adoption. See Full Review

Healing for Adults Who Grew Up in Adoption or Foster Care — written by Renee Wolfs (adoptive parent), in 2015 — (READ LATER)

• This is written by an adoptive parent with a master's in communication, not counseling or psychology.

• This was read about 1/2 through with a group of adult adoptees, and the attendees decided they did not want to finish it

• In short, this book comes across as quick and rushed, disorganized, inadequate to discuss issues of this level of complexity, and to a degree, dishonoring of adopted and fostered people.

• The title is somewhat misleading, in that this book is written primarily on grief and loss rather than a broader book on “healing” overall. It essentially skims the surface on the topic of grief, and in its 140 pages, misses much of the nuance and complexity needed…Read Full Review

Taming the Wild Child: From Living Hell to Living Well- How mothers can use corrective communication to make their out-of-control children easy to live with — written by Aaron Lederer, Self-Published in 2008 — (SKIP)

The Science of Parenting Adopted Children: A Brain-Based, Trauma-Informed Approach to Cultivating Your Child’s Social, Emotional, and Moral Development — written by Arletta James, LPCC, in 2019 — (SKIP)

• This book was read by a group of adoptive parents who decided partway through that they did not think it was worth finishing, largely due to the language used and the fact that there are other good books on parenting and trauma that they would rather read.

• Exclamation points are included extensively throughout the book and create an overarching tone of exasperation, annoyance, and/or anger at adoptees/fostered youth and their responses to trauma.

• Stories and examples given of adoptees and birth families overshare, and/or lack context in ways that encourage incorrect or incomplete assumptions by the reader, and/or are worded in a way that is unnecessary and shaming.

• Language and wording about adoptees is often one-sided and incomplete, dismissive, and belittling... See Full Review

Other Books To Skip or Read Later:

Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings — by Kenneth R. Ginsburg, MD, MS ED, FEP with Martha M. Jablow, in 2006, (new Ed 2023)

• Does not include content on trauma or significant life stressors and how this impacts the development of resilience for youth with these experiences. It may be completely fine for those wanting to learn about resilience for youth with no or low ACEs, neurotypical functioning, and those who have years of opportunity to develop resilience before a significant stressor/trauma occurs.

• Says resilience is “already packaged in our kids' makeup,” “ordinary magic,” and “not something we need to go out and acquire” (p.41). However, genetic resilience that is somewhat more innate (See Childhood Disrupted by Jackson-Nakazawa) is not discussed in any helpful detail, and the 7 C’s are all things that must be developed over time, each requiring numerous prerequisites of a sort - such as positive social community, opportunities, experiences, knowledge, trust, belonging, etc, to achieve.

• The 7 C’s are worth reading (p. 40-47). However, the author does not address how the 7 C’s can be acquired for youth who have ACE’s or significant hardships at a young age, before they have time to develop them.

• Covers basic topics broadly and at a more surface or introductory level, without offering deeper insights, and which could have been written in a shorter (faster to read) format

• Includes many good general reminders- such as advocating adults to have high standards and praise kids for achieving good character vs good grades (p.40)

• This is an older book in its 4th edition, however, it does not seem to include updated content related to new research and knowledge now available

• Includes very few citations of research to support the content written, and no reference page or bibliography is included

Taming Your Outer Child: Overcoming Self-Sabotage and Healing from Abandonment — written by Susan Anderson, in 2011

• I started to read this book in 2021, but decided not to finish largely due to the language it uses- There are plenty of fine things about this book, however, its often negative approach seems less beneficial especially since many adoptees already have hardships related to self-worth/value, self-compassion, etc and there are plenty of other good books out there to read.

• Although the title advocates for a reduction of self-sabotage, it repetitively uses language that devalues the self or puts one at war with oneself/other parts of the self. Examples of unhelpful language that promote negative self-talk and self-concepts include wording and phrases such as:

  • “Abandoholic…addicted…to abandonment” - Rather than using this label, just explaining in detail what is meant and how it connects to generational trauma would be more helpful in encouraging others to change/grow

  • Describes parts of self as: a “primary adversary” “bent on wearing you down” p. 7, having a “mission…to hijack your…best interests” p. 9, a “bully” and "a wolf in sheep’s clothing” p.171- This lacks self-compassion and understanding of the protective intent of coping behaviors, could hinder integration, and is counter to stregth based techniques and positive self-talk.

• Other sections include a writing style with unhelpful tones of argumentativeness that make the author sound like advocating for her own ideas to be heard is more important to her than helping people overcome or heal.

Facing Codependence: What it is, Where it comes From, and How it Sabotages Our Lives — by Pia Mellody, in 1989, Reprinted in 2003

• There are several good points in this book, but it was written a while ago, and this shows as you read it. Newer information is available, and some sections need additions, clarifications, and/ or updates for what we know about development trauma now.

• The title, excessive repetition of the word “codependence,” and calling people “codependent” is an older way of discussing trauma- using symptom language instead of looking at the root causes. Bruce Perry and Oprah Whinifry’s book highlights this well and refocuses our attention from “What’s wrong with you?” to a more meaningful and productive, “What happened to you?” If you can read this book and insert “those who have experienced developmental trauma” every time “codependent” is used, you may get more out of the book. Otherwise, the extensive use of this word and another language that continually points to the problem as the person, and not primarily the context (generally abusive and/or neglectful) in which they were forced to respond, limits the benefits that could be gained from this writing. See Full Review

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