Book Lists

The lists below reflect the individual opinions of Heather Gonzales, LPC, and are written from the perspective of an adoptee, for adoptees, adoptive families, or those working with adoptees looking for resources. These books have been valuable personally as an adoptee, for working with adoptees and their families in a therapeutic setting, and for developing various programs and curriculum content for adoptees. Because of this, and because there are not currently enough books specifically on adoption to understand the complexity of this experience adequately, a list that separates out books that address adoption only is not sufficient, potentially misleading, and so not included here.

We do not assume all listings will be applicable to everyone’s individual experiences and/or needs. Listing books here is not intended to indicate absolute agreement with all content, techniques, suggestions, word choices, or other work by the authors, but to indicate a significant portion of information that was found helpful. It is recommended that whatever you read, no matter who recommends it or writes it, readers use critical thinking and that the content is reviewed in a thoughtful, contemplative, and reflective manner. Lists are not necessarily a reflection of all staff or Encompass Adoptees as a whole.

Separate lists were created to help viewers find what might be helpful to them more quickly. Additional lists, books, details, and reviews are added periodically.

Books to Skip or Read Later
Grief and Loss Books
Art Therapy Books

Books Worth Reading (Alphabetical):

This list reflects some of the books read by Heather Gonzales, which have been helpful as an adoptee, working with adoptees, but does not indicate 100% agreement with everything in every book. Individual comments/reviews are listed for some books, and bold titles indicate higher personal preference. This list includes some, but not all, titles from other book lists found on this site.

  • Adoption Healing…a Path to Recovery, by Joe Soll, LCSW (adult adoptee)

  • Adoption Therapy: Perspectives from Clients & Clinicians on Processing and Healing Post-Adoption Issues, Ed. by Laura Dennis — See Review/Comments

  • Adoption Unfiltered, by Sara Easterly (an adult adoptee), Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard (a birth mother), and Lori Holden (an adoptive mother)

  • Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief, by Pauline Boss — See Review/Comments

  • Drama of the Gifted Child, by Alice Miller

  • Bearing the Unbearable: Love, Loss, and the Heartbreaking Path of Grief, by Joanne Cacciatore, PhD— See Review/Comments

  • Becoming Attached, by Robert Karen, Ph.D.

  • Belonging: Remembering Ourselves Home, by Toko-pa Turner

  • Black Anthology: Black Adoptees Claim Their Space, Ed. by Susan Harris O’Connor, Diane Rene Christian, and Mei-Mei Akwai Elderman Ph.D.

  • Bones of Belonging: Finding Belonging in a White World, by Annelid Dashtgard

  • Childhood Disrupted: How Your Biology Becomes Your Biography, and How You Can Heal, By Donna Jackson Nakazawa

  • In Reunion: Transnational Korean Adoptees and the Communication of Family, by Sara Docan-Morgan (an adult adoptee) — Don’t let the title mislead you. This book has content that is extremely helpful for all adoptees — See Review/Comments

  • Journey of the Adopted Self, by Betty Jean Lifton (an adult adoptee) — See Review/Comments

  • Man’s Search for Meaning, by Viktor Frankl

  • Mother Hunger: How Adult Daughters Can Understand and Heal from Lost Nurturance, Protection, and Guidance, by Kelly McDaniel

  • Mothers Who Can’t Love: A Healing Guide for Daughters, by Susan Forward, PhD

  • My Grandmother’s Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending our Hearts and Bodies, by Resnaa Menakem MSW, LICSW, SEP

  • On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss, by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, MD, and David Kessler— See Review/comments

  • Parenting from the Inside Out: How a deeper Self-Understanding Can Help you Raise Children Who Thrive, Daniel Siegel, M.D., & Mary Hartzell, M.Ed.

  • Parenting in the Eye of the Storm: The Adoptive Parents’ Guide to Navigating the Teen Years, by Katie Naftzger

  • Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a. World that Can’t Stop Talking, by Susan Cain

  • Rage Becomes Her: The Power of women’s Anger, by Soraya chemaly

  • Rooted in Adoption: A collection of Adoptee Reflections —anthology compiled by adult adoptees, written in 2020

  • Secure Relating: Holding Your Own in an Insecure World, by Sue Marriott, LCSW, CGP, and Ann Kelly, PhD

  • The Adoptee Survival Guide: Adoptees Share Their Wisdom and Tools, Ed. by Lynn Grubb

  • The Body Keeps the Score, by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D. —See Review/Comments

  • The Connected Child, by Karyn B. Purvis, Ph.D., David Cross, Ph.D., and Wendy Lyons Sunshine

  • The Emotionally Absent Mother, by Jasmin Lee Cori, MS, LPC

  • The Girl I Am, Was, and Never Will Be, novel by Shannon Gibney (an adult adoptee)

  • The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships, by Bonnie Badenoch

  • The Inheritors: Moving Forward from Generational Trauma, by Gita Arian-Baack, PhD

  • The Perpetual Child: Dismantling the Stereotype, Ed. By Diane Rene Christian, and Amanda H. L. Transue-Woolston

  • The Primal Wound, by Nancy Verrier — See Review/ Comments

  • The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind, by Daniel Siegel, MD, and Tina Payne Bryson, PhD — See Review/Comments

  • The Wild Edge of Sorrow: Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief, by Francis Weller— See Review/Comments

  • Trapped in the Mirror: Adult Children of Narcissists in Their Struggle for Self, by Elan Golomb, PhD

  • Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence— From Domestic Violence to Political Terror, by Judith Herman, MD

  • Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew, by Sherrie Eldridge (an adult adoptee) — See Review/Comments

  • What Happened to You? Conversation on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing, by Bruce Perry, M.D., Ph.D. & Oprah Winfrey —See Review/Comments

  • What it Takes to Heal: How Transforming Ourselves can Change the World, by Prentis Hemphill

  • What My Bones Know, memoir by Stephanie Foo (the daughter of an adoptee)

  • What White Parents Should Know About Transracial Adoption: An Adoptee’s Perspective on History, Nuance, and Practice, by Melissa Guida-Richards (an adult adoptee)

  • Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times, by Kathrine May — See Review/Comments

  • You Should Be Grateful: Stories of Race, Identity, and Transracial Adoption, by Adoptee Angela Tucker

Deeper Dive Books Worth Reading (Alphabetical):

This list reflects books equally recommended as those from the list above, but take a deeper dive into topics- some might require a higher level of commitment in terms of time, and/or may include more complex reading. As with the list above, these books have been read by Heather Gonzales and have been helpful as an adoptee, working with adoptees, but does not indicate 100% agreement with everything in every book. Individual comments/reviews are listed for some books, and bold titles indicate higher personal preference.

  • Attachment Disorganized, Ed by Judith Solomon and Carol George

  • Attuned Treatment of Developmental Trauma, by Kathleen Adams (an adult adoptee)

  • Betrayal Trauma: The Logic of Forgetting Childhood Abuse, by Jennifer J. Freyd

  • Countertransference and the Treatment of Trauma, by Constance J. Dalenberg — See Review/Comments

  • Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self-Alienation, by Janina Fisher

  • In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction, by Gabor Mate, MD — See Review/Comments

  • IntraConnected: MWe (Me + We) As the Integration of Self, Identity, and Belonging, by Daniel Siegel, MD

  • Psychological Trauma, ED by van der Kolk, M.D.

  • Shared Fate: A Theory and Method of Adoptive Relationships, by David Kirk (adoptive parent)

  • Self-Objectification in Women: Causes, Consequences, and Contractions, Ed by Calogero, Tantleff-Dunn, and Thompson

  • Splintered Reflections: Images of the Body in Trauma, Ed by Jean M. Goodwin & Reina Attis

  • The Art of Loving, by Erich Fromm

  • The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog, and Other Stories from a Child Psychiatrist’s Notebook, by Bruce D. Perry, M.D., Ph.D. & Maia Szalavitz

  • The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression, by Andrew Solomon

  • The Social Animal, by Elliot Anderson with Joshua Anderson

  • Too Scared to Cry: How Trauma Affects Children and Ultimately Us All, by Lenoore Terrace, MD

  • Understanding and Treating Chronic Shame: A Relational Neurobiological Approach, by Patricia DeYoung

  • Waking the Tiger, by Peter Levine with Anne Frederick