Coaching for Donor Conceived People & Families

Encompass Adoptees Growth and Expanding Services:

Encompass has been providing resources and services for individuals of all ages with adoptive, foster, kinship care, (AFK) or similar adverse childhood experiences, as well as their families since 2017. As donor-conceived people (DCP) share their perspectives, our larger community is coming to recognize that DCP can encounter similar issues related to their donor parent, akin to those faced by AFK individuals. Overlap in experiences is particularly evident when an individual has two donor parents, and can also exist for those who experience embryo adoption, surrogacy, or other adjacent experiences. DCP also have unique hardships and individual differences to process, and at Encompass, we strive to honor the diversity and nuance within various experiences of parental loss and/or separation. [The term donor-conceived people is being used here to include donor-conceived people, embryo adoption, surrogacy, or other adjacent experiences- with the understanding that in these cases sperm, eggs, embryos, and/or a womb are being “donated” as a part of the process. We understand that this inclusion may change over time as we continue to learn. We also want to acknowledge that as money is exchanged for these donations, the term is a positive and culturally accepted term for this process - not necessarily chosen by those with the lived experience.] Due to the shared similarities among adopted, fostered, kinshipped, and donor-conceived (AFKD) individuals and a lack of resources available for DCP, Encompass Adoptees has expanded to offer services in this area.

The Experience of Donor-conceived People:

By some estimates, there are over one million donor-conceived people (sperm, egg, embryo, double donation) in the United States and the field remains largely unregulated. There are no federal laws that regulate the number of donations one individual can make, disclosure of donor conception, or disclosure of donor identity. With access to direct-to-consumer genetic testing, more and more DCP are discovering their identities and finding biological relatives - sometimes hundreds - across the United States.

By lacking opportunities for genetic mirroring from at least one parent, DCP can experience genealogical bewilderment, which is a sense of uncertain or unknown knowledge of one or both of their genetic parents. This can be coupled with feelings of abandonment or rejection from their donor parent or extended family, and further complicated by a felt sense that one has family (particularly half-siblings) that they may never know. DCP who have information about their donor parent and half-siblings may experience a feeling of ‘in-between’ - not quite belonging in their family of origin or the family trees of donor parents & half-siblings. Navigating these relationships, if one chooses to, can bring up feelings of overwhelm, guilt, or betrayal. Recipient parents (RPs) and sperm or egg donors may also struggle with their participation in the AI industry. They may feel pulled between their desires for parenthood/genetic connection, while trying to navigate their relationships and the needs of their donor-conceived children.

More about Caitlin Day- DCP Coach

Caitlin joined Encompass Adoptees in 2021 and in relation to her work with AFK individuals and families, began to explore her own identity as a donor-conceived person. In 2023, Caitlin discovered her own donor father and many donor siblings across the country. She continues to process her own experiences with connection and identity while exploring the parallels between donor conception and adoption in her learning. She uses her personal and professional knowledge to support the adoptive, foster, and kinship community, along with the donor conceived community. 

When I found my donor father and half-siblings, I felt the possibility of being fully seen, being fully known. It crystalized a difficult-to-language feeling that I longed for - and that many of us do. As a DCP, I can understand the unique challenges of being donor conceived and offer my support to those navigating this experience. I can understand the delicate balance of connection with the family that raised you and the need (and right) to know all of yourself and your history. I can assist donors and recipient parents in considering the donor-conceived lens when making decisions regarding their children. My viewpoint exists alongside the voices of donor-conceived people across social media, film and audio, and literature; my work is guided by the knowledge that no two experiences are the same. Through coaching and consultation, I offer ideas and considerations for understanding relationships (with donor family and social family), practical decisions, managing your own complex perspectives, and gaining a sense of autonomy and empowerment over your [family’s] story.

Caitlin is currently attending The Ohio State University for a Master's in Social Work focusing on clinical social work with children and families, and is completing an internship as a school-based clinician. Caitlin is a mentor, training coordinator, and board member for Encompass Adoptees. Prior experience includes case management in child welfare, client advocacy in a domestic violence shelter, and direct service promoting cultural literacy and community access to the arts. Caitlin plans to join EA as a therapist after graduation in May 2024. Caitlin takes a trauma- and relationship-focused, restorative approach. Caitlin is a strong believer in the power of play and the necessity of honoring all parts of ourselves.

For a free 20 minute consult or to schedule, please send an email to caitlin@encompassadoptees.org.